Mr. Muffin Head says SMILE, Monday September 30, 2013

Mr. Muffin Head says: Go forth and smile.

I arrived at the shop yesterday afternoon only to find our contingency of feral

shop cats doing the begging thing. Napoleon's mother was doing her cute run up

the palm trees and bounce down pole dance and Howler, his brother, was

singing. I might point out his old brother and we are only certain about his

mother being in common. My idea was to get in, feed them a can and settle

down to work.

There was no can! Disaster! So I unloaded the van and made my way to BJ's for a case of cat food and maybe something to drink and snack. I had not had lunch. Remind me never to go into BJ's when the parking lot is full or on Sunday. It was wall to wall Sunday shoppers who have no idea of the simple rules those of us who shop during the week have created to make getting through the store without killing each other possible. The number one rule is not to shop and text as you get run over with a shopping cart. It is also a good idea to look where you are stepping particularly when going backwards as you may land in someone's cart. They do not know this.

I managed to get my stuff and get to the checkout with only two injuries, neither of which were life threatening as the people were still doing the same things that brought their soft parts into contact with my cart in the first place. Then I hit a wall. I thought I was smart as the clerk had just turned off her light having the problem with the customer fixed, but one should never underestimate self centered stupid people because it took less than a minute for the light to be blinking again because Miss I am the Center of Universe was trying another scam. Everyone behind me deserted the line like rats on a sinking ship. The person in front of me was trapped or would have to unload all her items from the conveyor belt. Odds were the problem would be fixed by then. Never under estimate how much time someone in the wrong will argue they are right when a couple of pennies are at stake. You will lose. I decided to stay and keep the trapped person company and any way, I would offer a few nice words to the clerk. Finally management solved the problem and then Miss. Center of Universe with a huge flat bed decides to rearrange her wallet while completely blocking the aisle and preventing the next person from being processed. That was when the clerk almost lost it but managed to grit her teeth and nicely ask her to move her cart. Oh, the shocked look upon her face and she even looked at the two of us as if to say, am I really blocking you. The lady in front of me shot her daggers and a few nukes. I looked at her, tilted my head and smiled sweetly while gesturing...move on, your time is up. Go away now. You really aren't worth frowning at, so just disappear. She scuttled off like her tail feathers were burned. You see, a smile really does work better than a frown and it takes less muscles. We all know as a Highland Scott, I am into the conservation of energy though most say we are just lazy.

The clerk apologized to me, not the nice lady in front of me. Once again we witness the power of smile, my Smile Warriors. I naturally said there was no problem, I had time. I didn't add the cats were probably going to eat my ankles when I got to the shop as hysteria was rising there by the minute. I mean that 20 pound Howler was surely going to starve in the next five minutes.

By the time I made the long walk to the end of parking lot simply because I believe there is no reason to pay a gym to use their treadmill when I can just park at the end of the parking lot and walk for free, I really didn't feel like loading the van. I managed 20 pounds of dry cat food and the case of cans felt like 50 pounds when I came to the box of muffins I bought as a treat for George and maybe a couple for me. That was when I glanced in for the first time and saw Mr. Muffin Head and started laughing. I giggled inappropriately all the way to the shop, fed the cats and took a picture of him. He is now our mascot for the Smile Warriors.

Things at the shop are moving at a surprising clip. Everything always seems to be in the way of something else stopping us from doing what needs to be done. I bet you know the feeling. After a lot of smudging and some magickal work, either a lot of stuff has disappeared or it never was there in the first place. I know you are saying, “What?”

One of the stock and standard curses to be bought is a blocks path spell. I learned a long time ago from another author who had been the focus of one that they are a nasty piece of work and the people who do them have the ethics of a politician needing a campaign donation for his booze budget. When they rebound on the person who bought them, and make no mistake about that – it will happen, their life if going in a really dirty crapper and it won't just be circling it. Think of their rebound effect as a full port-o-potty tilting. The lady who paid to have it put on him was pretty stupid. She wanted him to stay in the country and marry her. You never know when casting one of these spells how it will manifest the result. He got sick, so sick he was dying and then in a panic she took him to the person who she paid to put the spell on him to cure him. That is how he learned the whole sordid story, paid the guy to remove the curse and it rebounded on the gal, killing her slowly over a period of 3 months. Not only was she out of money, but no one could remove the spell because it was, well, the karmic law of 3, 7, 10 or whatever number you believe in and not really a curse or spell. It was just energy returning, magnified, to the source and trust me, the source is NEVER the person doing the casting. The first thing they learned was to attach it to the person paying.

I had the results of this thing demonstrated this morning. I accidentally used all my expensive eye medicine when my fingers twitched and too many drops hit my face, not even my eye. This morning my eyes were hurting so bad, I had to dig out the supply I squirreled away when I had insurance. Did I mention this stuff is uber expensive? I had to move a huge stack of stuff to get at the storage box which I slowly did, got my medicine out and began to put everything back where it was. That brought a pause because the pile was half as high. I am looking everywhere for the missing stuff and there is nothing to be found. I do a mental checklist of what I took off and what I put back and they match.

Okay, time for the Twilight Zone theme when I remembered yesterday George put the big AC in the shop window. I would have sworn there was no way he could get to that window without throwing out a huge amount of stuff. Not only did he get back there but he created a good sized path that remains and he didn't throw stuff out. The stuff is an illusion to prevent us from fixing things. Now the illusion fades every time something is moved and its size reduced to actual. All we have to do is move things and space happens, space that is really there all along. I can't help but smile when I wonder what is happening to the person who bought this spell/curse. Are they laying under a house of junk somewhere with only their feet sticking out like the witch in the Wizard of Oz? Is every object in their world expanding to mega proportions? Are they gaining an enormous amount of weight, because I have lost a lot of weight. I mean if it wasn't pitiful, it would be funny. And as they say, Karma's a bitch and so is a rebounded spell/curse. I think they are her puppies.

Thus, things are going really well for this Smile Warrior. I am picking up my studies I abandoned because I couldn't think. I am writing, as you see, after not being able to manage the time, having the word processor blow up and various sundries. The shop is going to be open by Halloween with many, many changes because I am not only thinking out of the box, I burned the box. That box is not getting me again. Suddenly, the world makes a lot more sense because now I see it has shifted into a zone where few have ever been.

I'll give you a teaser as it will become either a book or a series of lectures I get paid for....Magick is about 2.5% of the energy in the Universe. That doesn't sound like much until you realize than everything in the Universe tries to achieve equilibrium or balance. The closer it gets to balance, the easier it is to tip the scales in your favor with magick. Sorry about the math but I never said math wasn't the basis for Magick. Why do you think so few people can do it???

Go forth and smile, because Mr. Muffin Head says so. Hey, I have a picture of him and haven't eaten him yet. He's real.

Pierced earring mishap

The infected pierced ear....

After all these years, I went to put an ear wire in, the pain hit and the pus came out. It is always hard to put my earring in but today was painful enough to have me looking to see why with a magnifying mirror. I succeeded in wearing them all day but then they had to come out. Just moving the wire was painful. I decided the easiest way to get some antibiotic cream in the hole was to coat the wire with it and pull it through.

SURPRISE!

There was no pain and the wire slipped right out. So, I put it on the other ear just dabbing it on the back of the ear. Slipped out like it was grease which I guess to an extent it was. I shall be using the neosporin whenever I put my earrings in my ears. Perhaps there will be no more mishaps that get infected like this one.

This is a wonderful discovery you might want to try.

My Smile Warriors

Sunday, September 29, 2013

I have decided my new friends are going to be called Smile Warriors. We shall be succeeding in actually spreading a little joy in world just by smiling at strangers and loved ones...So, are you ready to start your Sunday Smile Campaign on the rest of the world? Of course you are! Take no prisoners. Allow the Smiles to spread and maybe they will evolve to giggles.

I cannot help but wonder how those who fear the number 13 are handling this year. Fear is a tricky thing and it is best not to have any. You see, it is a cancer. It starts out simple and often really life saving like having a fear of snakes in an area with a lot of poisonous snakes. Next thing you know, like my adopted mother, you are almost causing a 6 car pile up as you swerve in a panic because of a piece of hose in the street. A little fear quickly spreads to anything similar and your life is totally based on avoiding the object and anything like it. In case you haven't figured it out.....you life is now totally based on fear rather than enjoying anything. Personally, I would rather have my day revolve around enjoyment. You can do whatever you want. Just remember the more intangible the article of fear (like an idea), the more pervasive it is and the more crippled your mind becomes and the more isolated you have to become. If you can't see it physically, it could be hiding in shirts at Goodwill!

Living the life of an Urban Druid really isn't that much different from a Homesteader I have concluded. Last night I was so exhausted I really didn't care if Farmville crashed and burned so after feeding the Sourdough starter and I went in to brush my teeth. I am out of tooth paste. I pick up the tiny jelly jar and trudge into the kitchen to make more. The tricky part, since I was so tired and my vision was blurred at that point, was getting the coconut oil right so I had a paste rather than a slurry. It took 3 tries but my toothpaste was made and my bed was getting closer to reality. Note to self: don't run out of soap. That takes hours to make.

This morning the Furry Mafia that totally runs my life decided I could actually sleep in to 10 AM. Oh joy, a reprieve has been granted or I succeeded in getting them all out of the bedroom last night. Take a guess which one! It really was the latter, because they were throwing their furry little bodies into the door at that point. Fortunately, being almost deaf, it wasn't bothering me. Last night George asked just how many huge black cats we had. I assured him it was not 13 although it often seems like we have a house full, the ninjas are just really fast and can dematerialize and then appear between your ankles at the same time. They also occupy every surface you need to put something heavy on at a moment's notice. They make the Occupy Movement look like rank amateurs.

For those who didn't get my status update, we have, as in the bathroom is falling apart, to remodel the bathroom. For months I have been fondling and whispering endearments to a beautiful beige pedestal sink at Lowes but alas, it was way out of my budget. It is huge and has an oval front so no more sharp corners to whack my poor old arms against but again, waaaaay out of budget. Personally, I think they are all overpriced. Well, last night on a spurious trip to Lowes for nothing in particular, there in the aisle, all alone, was the sink laying on cart. I mean the very sink, the store sample I have loved for months, and it was reduced to $25.00. Yes, you read that right. The sink, pedestal (they actually sell it separately - I guess some people levitate theirs...) and the faucet was $25.00. The medicine cabinets were under 4.00, a Moen (you budget just groaned) in bronze shower valve set was 15.00..it costs more than the sink retail...and the hotel towel rack I had priced at Target (theirs is cheap metal)...all of this came at a savings of $288.00. Even with a few new pieces of hardware we needed the bill was under $70.00! Let's see you put a new sink in for that price with extra shower controls and towel racks! However it just goes to show that if you caress and whisper sweet nothings to a sink, eventually it will lay down on a cart and come home with you cheaply.

In reality, I have the shopping knack. It is the Urban Druid's version of hunting. I have transformed my natural ability to find food and shelter into shopping. My dear friend Martha used to marvel at my ability when I worked full time. The culmination and a free dinner for me, was the week I picked out a beautiful blouse at the Goodwill store for pennies. The problem was the color. They were years out of date and impossible to match. I decided it would make a great outfit and Martha on Tuesday bet I could not create an outfit without going all black or white (brown wouldn't even work) by the end of the month. We were headed to the Orlando New Age Trade Show for the weekend. In one HSN outlet I found perfectly matching slacks the first night in Orlando for a dollar. They would match anything but the blouse in my hotel room. The next night, I had a jacket from the North Orlando outlet for another 3.00. By Tuesday on the way home, on the other side of Florida in another outlet I had the perfect shoes to match for 10.00 and a lovely dinner at a local barbeque place. I competed my challenge in less than a week. They made the best roasted veggies in the Universe. I am not sure what the barbeque tasted like. Martha declared me the winner of the hunting contest. On the way home about 200 yards apart sitting on fences I saw a huge Hawk, an Owl and an Eagle. I know they were real because the Eagle took off and flew across the road in front of me. Now that, not a raccoon marauding in your garbage, is a real sign.

 Just imagine if I turned my skills to evil.....

Go Forth and Smile, a Dying Lifestyle on Saturday

Saturday, September 28th, last quarter moon....

Good Morning good and kind friends. George made a great pot of coffee to greet me and I have washed the dishes, chopped the yellow pepper, some onion and an entire bulb of garlic to go with the potato and mung beans he is frying as a garnish for the eggs. It will be festive feast to start a busy Saturday.

Go forth and smile even if you have to paste the smile on you face. Compliment at least one stranger.

I saw an interesting post from a harried mother of young children. The poor thing had at least three. After dinner, she and her husband would begin to light candles and turn the electric lights off. It calmed the children so much that they never had a problem getting them to bed. There is of course a scientific reason for this. All the artificial light disconnects us from our natural biological rhythms. In particular, the blue LED's are so bright they actually reset your biological clock and wake you up! I have a clock with each number and the : in different colors. I have covered the face every evening as it bothers me and after reading that, I took a good look at the numbers. The : is blue and way brighter than the other numbers. Now I put the ac remote in front of it to block the light. If I remove it at night to see the time, I can't get back to sleep.

In more disappointing news, I bought a copy of Coastal Living last night to get some decorating ideas. I was going to subscribe, but as I went through all the lovely pictures and recipes, I faced a disturbing realization. I was enjoying the rooms and the color schemes when I hit upon a recipe for salmon sliders. The secret is in the sauce which looks very interesting without the cilantro. I am no fan of cilantro. The nice thing about making your own sauces from scratch is you can just leave it out. As I looked at the model food and thought about making some with homemade buns, I realized there will be no more salmon after I finish what I have frozen from before the radiation from the crippled Japanese nuclear plant contaminated all the salmon. Then there was a recipe for shrimp, but there can be no shrimp from the Gulf as BP has seen to that or from the Pacific.

Then I looked at some of the lovely sea side spas sitting right on the ocean and realized their days are numbered. Between the rise of the seas and the megastorms caused by global warming, one day the tide will come in and not leave and that day is soon. In other words, everything in that magazine can now be applied to your summer home in Rockies as the coast is toast. You can't safely eat anything out of seas. Best to watch them from the shore as swimming may not be a good idea. I guess I won't be subscribing.

It is often depressing to look at the past and how beautiful things were in the bygone eras, but looking at dying lifestyle like this, is just plain maudlin.

I guess my decor will go from seaside to tropical rain forest, if we have any water left......Perhaps Bedouin desert is a longer lasting idea.....You know with lots of sheets hanging from the walls and Burka to protect you from the increased solar radiation when you step out the door. Hey, maybe I can get a good deal on one of those space suits with its own personal ac and air filters since they cut NASA's funding.